For the record, I know you that those of you who advised me not to get back with my ex were ultimately right, but I did it anyway. And guess what? We broke up...AGAIN. Now let me say in my own defense that I gave it everything I had and then some, but now we're through and I've been doing a pretty decent job at moving on. I think I kept on taking her back because it was easy and although we still talk on the phone once or twice a week, I'm realizing that the spark just isn't there anymore. I feel good. I feel like I tried and tried countless times but I'm happier than I was when we were together. The downside is that we lesbians date for 4 months and then break up for 4 years. Things were a lot easier when I dated men. Seriously. But she called me last night all weepy and apologetic and instead of falling into the same routine all over again, I said, all gay, "I'm done with trying to be happy for both of us. This is over. We. Are. Over." She suggested that a trip to come see me might be a good idea, just to pick up her stuff and have some closure but my response was less than well-received. I told her that the stuff she had in my apartment was already on its way to her through the magical mystery of the US Mail and that 'closure' is something that she and I had a LONG time ago. We just didn't realize it. I reminded her of a conversation we had while waiting for the Sundaygirl/Ryan nuptuals to begin & she asked me, "Do you think this will ever be us?" to which I responded, "I think they're a great couple, but I'm just not interested in them in THAT way." Luckily, someone came over to introduce themselves to us, so the crisis was averted. Temporarily.

Don't get me wrong, I think I really DID love her at one point, but she's more into social status and projecting an 'image' wheras I'm more interested in just enjoying life and laughing at stuff like when someone falls down the stairs, even if that person is me. The kicker was when one of The Smoking Greeks at the reception said, "She is cute...but not the one for you. You are too funny to be sad." You have to trust the Greeks on homosexual issues. If not them, then who, right?

In other news, I think I'm a bit obesessed with my new Volvo. I've named her Maggie, an homage to the (very) closeted dyke who used to threaten to beat me up in junior high about 3 times a week because, and I quote, "she hates faggots." Maggie now lives in San Diego with her girlfriend of 15 years and their two children. I guess she really didn't hate faggots TOO much.

Work is great, social life is fun, friends are amazing. Oddly, I don't think I can complain about much. The ONLY thing I can rant about is the first B I've ever received in my academic career. For those of you who may stumble across this landmine, if you write any less than a million words on Pascal's Wager, you can earn nothing more than a B+ for the semester. I was crushed for a few days, but I'm better now. My GPA is fucked for this semester (3 A's and that goddamn B+) but I don't think it's really a bad grade in a philosophy class in which I didn't have the luxury of opium like those philosophical jackholes in the 19th century. Whatever. The bitch part of it is that I missed an A- by one fucking point. I need to let it go.

Oh, and I bought new sunglasses.

xo,
SwanB+enet

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