Goddamnit, I seriously don't know where to even start. My computer at home is still broken because my lazy ass couldn't be bothered to take my iMac to a place down the street from my office to be fixed. Well, I'm not that lazy, I just don't think about it until I'm halfway to work and by then I'm gunning it down the interstate at a respectable 75MPH and can't turn around. Anywhore...

I think it's best to sum up the last few months with a list of things that highlight my life in Vermont. Let's begin, shall we?

1. made a bunch of really cool friends

2. tore my calf muscle & chipped my shinbone on my birthday

3. slept with a girl who had a crush on me who was only 20 years old because "someone told me to"

4. slept with a boy but ONLY because he looks like Chris Martin (I still take him home with me on occasion)

5. I have frequent bonfires in my backyard and even burned an American flag at one particular party

6. At one party I had, one of my landlords and I ripped a door off a shed & the railing off the back deck and threw them into the fire because we were running out of wood.

7. I survived temperatures of 30 below for 2 weeks. I'm not even kidding.

8. Some things are better left unsaid, but I'll just say that my passenger side door didn't come all the way off my car.

9. I've reached a point with some of my co-workers where we greet each other with phrases like "Good morning, hooker!" and "Wassup, wigga?"

10. landed a radio show every other Tuesday night with my friend (and the door-burning landlord) Ben on

WGDR, a college radio station that no one listens to

11. once again I've managed to find a job where I don't do anything all day but they pay me anyway. The firewall issue is a bitch, though. Example: I can't to to mtv.com - fucking uptight government jackholes

12. got my sister drunk and with Beth, my other landlord, and although she was awake, shaved Moe's head without her knowing

13. gained 10 pounds and let my hair grow 8 inches

14. somehow am still surviving without television but I'm the first one to admit that I'm a netflix whore

15. mastered the art of the crank call to the point where people pay me 5 bucks a call

16. share my house with squirrels living in my walls upstairs but haven't freaked out. Yet.

17. read more books than I can count (on the days where I'm in netflix limbo)

18. had an awesome New Year's Eve with Jon,with the exception that we attended the angriest party ever

19. am the proud recipient of the Orville Redinbocker Scholarship - hey 1,000 bucks is 1,000 bucks. I don't give a flying rat's ass who pays for my edumuhcashawn.

20. sometimes miss NYC more than I can explain

21. sleep with Denise on a bi-monthly basis and it doesn't get weird or lesbianish between us at all

22. while talking to my sister one Saturday morning, she asked me what I was doing and my response was "I just finished shoveling out the propane tank on the side of the house" which made her hang up on me and once I realized what I said, I threw the phone into the driveway, where it sat for most of the day.

21. learned that I could teach a class on The Art Of Doing Absolutely Nothing For 3 Hours And Feel Great About It

22. can pay by check for pizza delivery

23. can pay by check for anything without showing ID

24. cook my own food

25. realized that I'm very happy here and don't know why I didn't move here years ago

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Tonight I'm at my sister & her girlfriend's (sorry, PARTNER'S) house watching their cat because they went to Burlington for the night, but let's face it, it's nothing more than an excuse for me to camp out on the couch, cure myself of what could be a cold with the healing power of cable TV, and do my laundry. I'm here every weekend but it's usually a lesbian fiasco around here, so it's weird to have this big house so quiet on a Friday night with no one dancing around drunk and/or topless.

But there's always tomorrow night.

xo,

Green Mountain Swan

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