Today Amanda and I would have been together for 5 years, but instead we broke up the day after our 4 year anniversary. That says a lot about us but I'll avoid going into specifics. I thought about sending Amanda an email wishing her a happy anniversary and acting like I had no idea that we broke up, but I thought she wouldn't get the joke and I'd freak her out. We've been emailing lately and I like things this way. It's nice to be able to once again consider her a friend.

Anyway...

Is it just me or is everyone going through some weird/traumatic/depressing episode at the moment? Some might say that it's due to the lunar eclipse that occured the other night, which I didn't bother to watch out of spite because I was mad at my sister. I mean, everybody goes through their ups & downs but this is getting out of hand. I'm feeling pretty good these days, nothing too stressful going on besides my inability to drop my car off at the mechanic's across the street from my office to get my snow tires put on, so I slide all over the road like a retard, which forces me to call myself names during the drive home. Tonight I called myself a stupid motherless bitch. What's WRONG with me?

There's a crime wave in my neighborhood, people. 13 acts of vandalism/burglary/robbery in the past 6 months. It doesn't sound like much but given the fact that there's like 79 people in the whole state, it's sort of a lot. I lock my door these days and that pisses me off. I'm also leaving lots of lights on in the house which my grandmother used to do for YEARS after someone threw a rock through her neighbor's livingroom window, claiming that they did it, and I quote "to get money for dope." I didn't have the nerve to tell her that it was the home of the school tramp and one of my friends did it because the girl slept with my friend's boyfriend. She was the same woman who, because she had a bad heart, used to faint a lot and try to hide it from everyone. She was at her doctor's office once, a few weeks after heart surgery and her doctor noticed a big bruise on the side of her head. When the doctor asked her what happened, instead of telling the truth and telling him that she blacked out and hit her head on the side of the tub, she thought it would be funny to point at my aunt and say "She hits me." Goddamnit, she was a lunatic. All 4 feet & 90 pounds of her.

Now I miss my grandmother. Fantastic.

xo,

Swan

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