I'm in a fight with a chinese restaurant in Montpelier. I went to dinner tonight with my friends Jenn and Elly (they live together, so I refer to them collectively as Jelly) at this little hole in the wall place because I was craving General Tso's chicken like I can't even explain. So we go, we eat, we chat and I realize that I've ordered enough food for 9 people, so I ask to have some of the food wrapped up to go. The lady at the counter (because it's a FANCY place) threw a take out container in my general direction and then went back to whatever she was doing, which was nothing as far as I could see. I gave her a look and she returned a look to me. I put my food in the container and my friend Jenn stepped outside because she either really needed to smoke or wishes to return to this restaurant in the future, so she made herself scarce. Elly and I sure showed that nasty counter person a thing or two - we stole a bowl from the table. Take THAT, nasty counter lady. Obviously my migration up north has turned me into a criminal. But the good thing is that I didn't have a place to keep spare change in my car, but now I do. Problem solved.

Earlier tonight, on my way home from work I bought new windshield wiper blades since the ones that I had were carving lines into my windshield. The guy at the store offered to put them on for me and who am I to say no? He took about 20 minutes to do something that the average blind 6-year-old without thumbs could accomplish in about 3 minutes and I myself was too lazy to do. And it was dark outside. I was sitting in the car listening to the radio and smoking, so I had plenty of stuff to do while I waited. And waited. Some weird guy comes out of the store with his hands folded like he's praying, asking me what my name was. My first instict was to roll up my window, but for some reason I responded. He asked me if I had another name, which I do, so I told him what it was. It's a name I never use and many people don't know that my name is actually a nickname that I've had since I was like 2. Then he asks me what my last name is and for some reason, I'm answering this freak's questions yet have no idea why. It turns out that I left my credit card at the register and instead of just giving it back to me, he's all 20 Fucking Questions. Meanwhile, Mr. Fix It is still struggling with my windshield wipers and talking to his co-worker about how he thinks someone stole a pound of bacon out of his apartment. I'm not even kidding. Hey handyman? There will be plenty of time for Pork Chat after I get the fuck out of here. Less talk, more installing, okay? He finally got them on and I didn't know whether or not I should tip him, so I gave him 5 bucks and sped out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell. I was surprised, after pushing the windshield wiper fluid button and trying out my new purchase, how bad my other ones were. I can actually see where I'm driving now, so I've got that going for me.

Today at work I was looking around my desk drawers and found a whole bunch of blank cds hidden all the way in the back of one of the drawers under a bunch of phone books. Cases and everything. I think the new girl is going to take them home and burn cds like a mad woman. It's a goddamn shame that I can't simply go to work, do my job and go home without stealing stuff, isn't it? Besides, there's a woman in my department who really annoys me. She's got this habit of coming into my veal stall and saying totally random things like "Sometimes it sounds really hollow over here" and "I only drink lattes on the weekends." Do me a favor Sugar and shut that cock holster of a mouth for 5 minutes and I might not spend half my day thinking about beating you like a red-headed stepchild. Thanks.

xo,

Swan

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