Banner fucking day for ol' Swan.

I woke up this morning at 6:30 and I'm usually leaving my house at 6:30 in order to get to work on time because I work in like fucking Canada. So, with The Flight Of The Bumblebee playing in my head, I ironed my clothes, walked the dog, showered & I was out the door in 15 minutes. It snowed overnight and I knew I should take my time driving but I hate to be late and if I don't get to my destination on time, my whole day is thrown off. I did a steady 75mph on the interstate and I slid (really, I slid) into the parking lot at my job at 7:59. Radio blaring, soaking wet head, cigarette hanging out of my mouth while I threw my coat on to run through the parking lot in order to get to my veal stall by 8AM sharp. I would've totally been on time if I didn't get lost on the way to my floor. I have no sense of direction and that was proven yet again today because I was wandering around a cube farm that I thought was close to my desk and finally someone asked me if I was lost. At this point my coat is hanging halfway off, my bag is wide open and I'm spilling coffee all over the floor and myself. I was directed to where my desk is and even though I've only been working there since Monday, I think it's sad that I failed to find my desk on my own.

I threw my stuff under my desk because I didn't want anyone to see that I rolled in a few minutes late and the first person I encounter is this weird dyke chick who either completely ignores me or is all chatty with me to the point where I want to blow on of our heads off. Adjust the dosage, Sugar. Anyway, she came over to my desk to ask me how I like the job and if I'm finding my way around okay. Yeah, with the exception of nearly wrapping my car around a telephone pole and my inability to find my desk, I'm doing just fine thanks. She asked me where I was from because she said it's obvious I wasn't from Vermont. I told her that I grew up in Jersey but lived in Manhattan & Brooklyn for years and years and she said that she didn't know that there was a difference between Manhattan and Brooklyn. Jerk off.

The same woman gave me a project to work on and although it was incredibly tedious and didn't require me to use my brain whatsoever, it killed a few hours and I decided it was time for lunch.

I went out to my car because I forgot to bring my lunch in and upon my return to the building, I realize that I don't have my ID/key-card thingee and I'm locked out of the building. I pulled on a few doors and went around to another part of the building and no luck. Did I mention that it's snowing outside and I'm stranded outside without my coat? Yeah. I thought the least I could do was eat my sandwich while I waited for someone to rescue me, so I found a small doorway and huddled against it to keep from getting snowed on, and proceeded to yank on this door until I thought I was going to pull it off its hinges. The company I work for makes bombs and stuff and no one is allowed in unless they're a U.S. citizen and apparently someone thought I looked suspicious, so after a few minutes 4 security guards come running outside, asking me who I am and to produce some identification. I calmly explained that I locked myself out and I can prove that I work here if they just let me inside. I guess that a 5'2'' redhead, wearing a Banana Republic suit, eating a ham & cheese sandwich is considered a danger these days because they were very abrupt with me and one of them was downright rude. They let me into the building and followed me to my desk but guess what?! Yup, I can't find my desk again. I finally had to ask one of the security guards where my particular department was and he pointed to the doorway right in front of me and all nasty he said, "Why don't you try opening the door, ma'am." MA'AM?! He ma'amed me so I made a comment about TJ Hooker and soon after, I found my cube. I had to show them my work ID, my passport and my driver's license and I don't think they believed I was really me. I got a short but stern lecture on how important it is to keep my ID on me at all times and blah blah blah. I got back to my work and before I knew it, it was time to go home.

Now the snow's been coming down for a while now, so the road's are a bit slippery. I was listening to the radio (because I'm too poor to buy a cd player for my car) and it's all about how everyone has to be careful driving since the road's are worse than they seem. I got on the interstate without hitting anything and I'm driving along, listening to the ONLY decent station and thinking about what I'm going to have for dinner. A pickup truck is merging into my lane and I notice that it's dragging something. I get closer and see that it's a DEAD MOOSE that the driver is towing on a trailer on the back of his truck. It's all gross and dead and flopping around whenever the driver hits a bump so I'm not only sad for the moose but no longer hungry. I stayed behind this truck/moose for about 20 miles because the left lane was all jacked up and slippery and finally The Hunter exited the interstate. I traveled the remaining 6,000 miles home on the back road that leads to my street without incident, thank Christ.

For the rest of the night I'm going to sit quietly on the couch and read my Abraham Lincoln biography. I'm reading it because I know absolutely nothing about this man and felt I needed to learn something. I'm only 85 pages into the book but I'd totally hang out with him if he wasn't dead. Same goes for the moose.

And to top it off, today it was reported that Fred Berry died.

God is mean.

xo,

Swan

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